In today’s society (with social media, dating apps, and a love for fun) dating can be easily mistaken for a good time or something to fill the void of having things to do. But the question is… what’s the purpose?
Should dating be fun… Of course. Who doesn’t want to have a good time but it’s important to make sure that you have a purpose and a goal.
So here’s a few things that I have learned along the way…
To have a goal or not to have a goal?
For myself, one day I hope to be a wife and a mother. Doesn’t mean that everyone that you date your heart should question, are you my husband? Nooooo… But you do want to learn more about the person.
What are you looking for in a mate?
Basically… you should look for qualities that you want in a husband or wife and if you plan on having children one day, does that person have the qualities that you desire in a mother or father for your child. If the answer is no, that’s easy… he or she is not the person for you.
For myself, I always wanted to be with someone that loved God more than me, who was able to lead with humility, handsome (yes! dimples are a plus not a requirement lol), intelligent, accountable, kind, loving, and a true prayer partner. I desired for him to have a clear vision in life. Vision has always been important to me. I don’t think I would want to follow someone who’s aim in life was to go nowhere.
Transparency. Wow… there’s so much that I can say about being transparent. It makes the relationship easier to define when both parties make their desires known. In the dating world, most people will come to find that a lot of people don’t know what they want in a relationship or in life. And of course that makes things much more difficult. Not impossible but very difficult.
I’ve been a relationship flooded with lies. I’ve had someone reflect the person that I desired but was far from that person. Were there signs that something wasn’t right… yes. But just like many people, I ignored them.
One thing to help out in the dating world is this… be intentional in dating. It’s deeper than what do you like to do or what sort of places do enjoy visiting. Ask questions like… What do you desire to see God do in our lives?
Before I entered into the relationship that I am in now… I spent about a year and some months being single. Really getting to know myself and growing closer to God. Let’s just say, I did a lot of seeking. I really wanted to be the BEST person that I could be.
I heard someone once say… “Be the person that you wish to attract.”
So I worked on me. Being a healthier, happier, hungrier for God type person. I reflected on things that I liked in some of my previous relationships and things that really left me hurt and sad. All of these things were such growing experiences.
During this time period… I didn’t look to date anyone. I tried to date… didn’t work out. Something was missing and I kept moving forward. Fun and Cute doesn’t always pan out. lol. So I turned down a lot of dates, all because I needed a sign it was okay to date again. So… when I really focused on God and stopped looking… something occurred that still makes me smile.
(He said HELLO) lol.
I met a really good man, thank you God and thanks to some awesome people in my life.
(Shout out to all of you!)
Here’s three good reasons why we are still together:
- His love for God
- His heart.
- His vision.
Okay… I know I said only 3 reasons but can I say that he’s really good looking too? (All 4 of these were major attractions for me)
We also work really well together!
Moving forward ————–>>>>>>
Advice that I gave to myself about dating. I know you’re thinking… advice you gave to yourself. Yeah… spending time with God frees up the mind for sound wisdom.
#1 Only bring good lessons from a previous relationship
#2 Never allow your past expectations to dictate your future expectations.
Sometimes not knowing your self-worth can be an issue when it comes to being with the right person.
- What do you deserve?
- What does God believe you deserve?
Another piece of advice for myself was… How important is God in the relationship?
If God is at the bottom of the relationship… it maybe time to put that relationship at the bottom. Because think about it. If you can’t worship together or pray together, there’s no glue to hold the relationship together. If God is not at the head of the relationship… there’s no solid direction in the relationship.
Does following God make you perfect?
No. But it does give you foundation.
And to wrap things up… if you desire to be with a godly person, be godly yourself. If you really like adventures… he/she maybe waiting on you on your next adventure. Or maybe you like to laugh… your laughter just maybe the sound he/she is waiting to hear.
I’ve been in an awesome relationship for the last 13 months.
He loves God soooo much.
He has the BEST heart.
He never fails to open the door.
He’s forever praying and planning for us.
He keeps me laughing and smiling.
He’s forever looking out for me.
He’s my adventure partner, my best friend, and proof that God still makes good men.
Here’s a picture of us below on New Year’s Eve.
And can you believe this man declared blessings and favor over both of our lives at midnight. 2017 is going to be an outstanding year full of uncommon favor, peace, joy, and happiness. Not just for us but for those around us and connect to us. We want to see everyone in a good place and it all starts with God.
Journey with us in 2017… Making Lives Better, ONE WORD AT A TIME.
Oh the places we’ll go…
“You deserve to BE HAPPY… anything otherwise is not of GOD.”- Savvy.